I Am Second

I'm sure everyone has at some point seen the ads for IAmSecond, most likely with Josh Hamilton. It's an interesting concept. Not the part about being second, but the whole billboard/ad/website/group thing. I checked out the blog today. It made me think. I want to be second. I want to live that way again. But I'm not.

Have you ever gotten into a really deep rut? Like the kind where you know you're there, yet no matter how hard you try to wiggle out you just get more and more stuck? That's how I feel about my life right now. And the worst part is that I'm at that place of being stuck when you get really tired and you just quit struggling to get out. Apathy. That's my problem. Deep down there's this burning desire to get back to "living the life" the way I was created to live. But it's covered up by so much apathy. And, let's be honest, laziness. And maybe fear? Maybe the fear that I might be "found out"...

Yesterday I wrote about how I was not quite ready for this law school chapter to be over. But you know what I realized.... I am. I am ready for it to be over because law school sucked. Not completely and entirely all the time or anything like that. I had fun, I made friends, we have some good inside jokes, and we all went through hell together. But it affected me in a way I can't stand - I lost touch with God and my church family. Sure, sure, blame it on something other than yourself. Good point. But living law school 24/7 for 3 years can take a toll on a person. Especially when you're surrounded with faithless people, or "fake" Christians.... I hate to say that. Everyone has their struggles. But I've realized that I am deeply affected by the people I surround myself with. And for 3 years I haven't made the best choices all the time. That is my fault.

So I'm glad that law school is almost over. I'm hoping this will be the kick in the butt I need to get back on the path I'm meant to be traveling. Maybe a couples bible study is also in order. Just a side thought.

End of vent. Now to get sized and order bridesmaid dress for the September wedding I'm in... My dear friend who will be leaving me for a far away state.