Becoming a Murphy: Multi-Tasking Post

I think this post is going to serve two purposes: one, appeasing those of you who have requested pics of the new apartment and/or those of you who have been unable to come visit our humble abode; two, allowing me to vent on paper (well, digital paper if you will).

...

Have you ever been really emotional/stressed/wanting to cry and thought to yourself "I have absolutely no idea why I am feeling this why, or what I am possibly sad/stressed about!"? Well, I've been feeling this way for quite some time now... And no, I'm not with child or clinically depressed. I'm in a funk. I know it happens to everyone at some point or another, I just don't like when it happens to me. Usually, I can point to some reason (or many reasons) why I feel this way. Law school finals? Yeah, that makes sense. Planning a wedding? I get that too. Taking the Bar Exam? Yes, stressful. Looking for a job? Understandable.

But I have NONE of these excuses. I have a husband I love, a job I love, an apartment I love, a shower curtain I love.... Yet I sit here this very moment with that "pain in my glands, I'm pretty sure I may start crying any moment" feeling. And have been that way most days for a while. I just wish I could figure out why. I've been contemplating the trigger for a while. I think maybe it's a culmination of little things. So here's my list:

1) I miss my friends. I have certain friends I miss dearly and deeply for different reasons. One because of physical distance, one because of emotional distance, and one because of just plain "busyness". All of these have created deep cuts on my heart. Coupled with the fact that I seem to spend most of my weekend time with my husband's friends, I just really miss my friends. I miss those desperately needed walks when I can b*tch about anything and everything and just have that friend listen. I love my husband with all my heart, but it's not the same. He wants to fix everything because that's what guys do. He wants to figure out what's wrong and come up with a 5 step program to solve the problem.

2) The reality of a "real job" is truly setting in. Don't get me wrong, I love my job. I love my co-workers and I love what I do. But I'm about to reach the 6-month mark and the reality that I'm going to be working for the rest of the foreseeable future is sinking in. I know, you're thinking "Duh, people have to work. Quit crying about it." Let me put it in some perspective though. Although I am 27 years old, I have spent pretty much the last 24 years in school. Meaning, summer break, Christmas break, spring break, etc. I have had time during the day to run and pick up the dry cleaning, get my oil changed, go to the store, meet for lunch with a friend, etc. So the shift from "student" to "employee" has taken a toll on me emotionally. I feel like I'm so NOT on top of things, like I'm a terrible wife because I never have all the right ingredients to make those enchiladas, or the laundry has piled up so high I can't see over it. I know that eventually I will get a hang of this and we will have a good routine, but right now it makes me so frustrated.

3) I'm overstimulated. I get 100 emails or more a day, both work related and personal. The phone rings all day, the TV is on all night, there's Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Blogs, I-phones, I-pods, online shopping, online bill pay, online-anything you want, and so on and so on... It NEVER STOPS. I need to unplug. I need to pack some clothes in a duffel bag, throw a tent and sleeping bag in the car, turn off the phone, drive out to some lake in the country and just BE.

4) I'm overextended. Much like #3, there's just too much going on. Weddings, wedding showers, baby showers, birthday parties, meetings, networking functions, CLE classes, etc. Wow.

This is the short list of reasons why I may have a meltdown sometime shortly.

I'm trying to learn to be content with the here and now. I don't know why, but that is the hardest thing for me to do. I am very "forward thinking". I have this plan in my head about how I want things to be. Right now I'm obsessed with my house. No, we don't have a house yet. But trust me I'm planning it all out in my head. Which is proving to be detrimental. Because when I look at the pictures below of our apartment, one part of me thinks, wow we're so lucky to have some really nice things and a big apartment we love. But on the other hand....

I see the great red chairs my parents loaned us and think "if only they were cream or blue I could get those lamps I want for my 'future living room'... This red just doesn't match".

I see the shower curtain I spent an entire weekend sewing myself, which I LOVE, yet still think "man I wish I could get that blue ink out" (No, no one would ever notice but me).

I see our gorgeous bed and the incredible linens we've been fortunate enough to purchase over time and think "Those bedside tables are hideous! I wish we could get the ones from Horchow I've been eyeing for 2 years".

I see the beautiful china hutch (that was a STEAL) and think "I wish I had gotten my Waterford stemware" (Mind you the hutch is full of Waterford pieces ANYWAY!)

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

Don't get me wrong... I am so grateful for what we've been given. We have 2 jobs that allow us the freedom to live comfortably, pay our loans, and still save for a house. We are healthy, have great friends, and are close to family that loves us. I'm just in a funk. So for anyone reading this, I'm just going to ask for your prayers. Prayers that God pulls me up out of this pothole. Because I know I can't do it myself.

So now that you've made it this far, I shall reward your dedication with pictures of our new place....

The living room from the front door